Monday, November 9, 2009


I have officially been a Stay At Home Mom now for about 5 weeks. I find that when in public, I can barely even utter the phrase without qualifying it (“Oh, I’m staying home with Ben now but will be going back to work at some point.”) It has been an interesting experience so far, to be sure. I understand how truly lucky I am to be in a situation that allows for me to be at home, instead of at work. I feel tremendously lucky and privileged to be able to do this.

This time is made even more bittersweet with the knowledge that I will return to work again someday, maybe soon, maybe not so soon—and will leave my boy in the care of someone else. And then I’m sure I will pine for these days.

And yet…some days are hard. I won’t lie—it’s not all sparkles and moonbeams around here. Sick days are the worst, both mine and his. It’s 100% harder to parent when sick and it’s equally challenging and exhausting to parent a sick child.

Then there are the days when sickness or weather issues come up and we are stuck inside. Now that Ben is (extremely) active and mobile, we can tear up the house pretty quickly. It’s truly better for both of us if we have, ideally, a morning and an afternoon activity.
Ben appreciates getting out, too. He adores being around other children (other adults he can take or leave) and I enjoy seeing him interact and try and figure out this social world. Then the magic hour arrives and Daddy comes home. To see Ben’s eyes light up at the very sight of Jonathan is a gift that I just can’t get enough of.

And yet…some days fly by, others drag.
Some moments are so precious you want to repeat them over and over, and there are some episodes that do not bear repeating.
Some days are fresh and full of new milestones; others feel like days gone by.

Parenthood is certainly about riding the ebbs and flows and staying at home is no exception.

Please do not misunderstand this—I love my son and am so, so lucky to be able to be here with him to see all of the amazing things he is doing. Plenty of parents out there would give anything to be in my shoes, it’s just some days I feel like I’m wearing them on the wrong feet!

1 comment:

Goddess in Progress said...

Ah, yes. You could have stolen some of those words straight from my own mouth. It's a crazy gig, sometimes. I wouldn't trade it, but that doesn't mean it's always rainbows and unicorns. It's frigging HARD! And not always so enjoyable. Mind-numbing, sometimes, too. Ah well. :-)